Monster of the Light is an installation that consists 4 wearable artefacts and 3 tapestries.

it is about my inner world. A world I created to feel safe, calm and peaceful. Whenever I feel anxious or emotional, I would think about this world and picture myself in it. To smell the flowers and trees, to hear the sound of a waterfall and wander around in paths filled with cherry blossoms.

With this installation, I'd like to invite the audience to step into my inner world and confront them with my emotions, fear, stress and anxiety but also the peace and calmness of the place. With this I would also like to break the taboo within the Asian/ Chinese community and make talking about mental health accessible.

Every piece I made, is done with the hand. To me it is like therapy.

Nothing is done as how it's supposed to be. To fight against my perfectionism, I tried to be less precise as much as possible and just did whatever my hands wanted to do.

Photos from Exhibtion Class of 2021, Landhuis Oud Amelisweerd. (19 August/12 September 2021)

Charlotte Ha, May Chueaduangkaew and Ana Lin
MUA: Hilda Shen, ShanShan Studio and glamfacesbymir

Sound Designer: Jochem Kers
Videographer: Pascal Amade

Location: Landhuis Oud Amelisweerd

Choreography/Stage production: Front row backstage

welcome to my inner world

a world i created to find my peace within the chaos and my emotions.

look closely ,

stand still.

not everything is what it seems to be

i’ve deceived you.

im out of balance.

for a long time, ive been in denial

but each year it gets worse.

its unspoken.

being creative,

working with my hands

has been my kind of therapy.

as if the materials my hands reaches for

could talk back and understands me.

but there’s always something within me

that tells me it’s not good enough,

im not good enough

its the monster inside me.

slowly but carefully

im trying to find the light again.

and its okay to feel this way,

its okay that not everything has to be perfect.

yours truly,

Xuan